Monday, June 16, 2008
Vacation was beautiful.
It was probably a beautiful thing, but the internet went out 2 days into our trip so I just got home.
I would like to take a moment to say goodbye to Amanda. She was beautiful, she was perky and I feel as though I am better for meeting her.
I met her twice. Once at a show when she was backstage to meet Chris Rich, her true fave. She came and told me that she loved my singing and that she thought I was funny. Then I noticed she was posting on my blog.
Back then a lot more people were posting and many times it was hard to keep up with who was who. I didn't know that the "core group" (as they became known) would become the "core group" till about 3/4 of the way through the summer. I mean, for goodness sake I though DJ was a guy!
Amanda had posted about her disease and the kindness on the blog touched me, as I'm sure it did her, too. I came out of my hotel in Little Rock, AR to film an interview with Ash Grayson for his documentary Bleed Into One and there was a girl waiting in the middle of street who looked oddly familiar. She had cut her hair since the first time I saw her, and she came running up - quite scarily, I might add - telling me I had to wait! I had to wait! Risa from the blog was coming!
I signed a few autographs for her and we talked for about 5 minutes and she told me more about her condition. I was amazed at the strength I saw in this little girl. She was far stronger than I could imagine being under the same circumstances. She smiled and had fun and actually tried to talk me into waiting around to meet Risa! It was a joy.
Those few minutes left an indelible mark on me. She would stop by the blog and I think became accepted as part of the Fro Patro'. You guys treated her so well, and my heart was overjoyed to see that.
I didn't get to see Amanda again. I had hoped to make it down to St. Jude's while she was there, but stupid things got in the way. I wish I was not so caught up in my own world...I wanted to see her and Sarah and I even talked about going to see her several times over a weekend, but a show would come up here and a dinner would come up here, and poof! time slipped by too quickly.
So, regrets will be regrets and life if full of "what ifs" and "if I's". What I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt is that Amanda is far, far away from this life of pain! She is able to breathe freely! She is able to run! She is able to bask in the glow of our Savior! She is where I long to be! She is worshipping as pure a worship as there is! Simply worshipping our Savior for eternity is beyond my belief and is completely my expectation. In a way, I'm jealous.
But still my heart yearns for the family. Gladness is found in mourning, but the loss of someone so young...I don't understand it, and never will. I hope and pray that Amanda's family will know that she was loved - beyond a doubt, she was loved!!
Here is a song:
I'm halfway to nothing,
Walking this road, making my way
So tired of the running
Why is every day as long as today
Should I long for all I long for out loud?
Today I'm praying todays the day
You come split open the clouds!
I'm ready to walk, I'm ready to run
I'm ready to find my way to the Son...
...to walk beside that glassy Sea
Hands lifted up for eternity
It's not that I'm unhappy
But nothing could ever compare to You
Forever stands waiting
A life stands beyond the one we dance through
Call me crazy, say my thoughts are strange
But I am dying, I am crying
For something to change!
All eternity spent in worship alone
I can only imagine my eternal home